smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
did i walk over a car last night?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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