The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
