i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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