You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
