just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
