hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
