mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
