I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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