....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
