Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
