it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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