Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
