just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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