why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
