Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
