weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
