I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize