eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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