he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
