I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize