I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
