so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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