wakey wakey hands off snakey
did i walk over a car last night?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
