Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
