Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
