There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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