Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
a search helicopter?!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
