I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
