a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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