yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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