Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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