I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
