Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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