But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
