now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
