He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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