So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize