Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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