pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
