I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize