she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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