I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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