A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
