I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
