dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
