And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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