What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
