She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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