Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
