I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
