I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
