so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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