It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
