I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I touched a dick in church today
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
