I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
