I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
