her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
