He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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