I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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