I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We need a shit load of segways right now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
