i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
