Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
