Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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