i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
