You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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