Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
