she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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