I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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