I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
