Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize