Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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