So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
