you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
