booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
