worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize