Me too!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
