im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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