Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
