i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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