please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
