I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
